


An Unfortunate Predicament

by MidnightGlows



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo, Bilbo doesn't even care anymore, Crack, Fix-It, Gloin likes Bilbo, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Pippin shares too much, Sassy Bilbo, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, What Was I Thinking?, i suck at doing tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3738994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightGlows/pseuds/MidnightGlows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A number of time-travelers show up in Bilbo's living room as he was talking to the dwarves. </p>
<p>Or... in which Bilbo gets sassy with people he doesn't even know.... oh, and there's time-travelers who say they're all doomed in the future.</p>
<p>Slight Crack!fic depending on how you look at it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bilbo is done.

**Author's Note:**

> I just--I offer no excuses. 
> 
> I have no idea what I was thinking. I guess I just let my muse to go off and wander. Don't expect this to ever be updated. I just figured I'd post it for the heck of it.

Thorin was just about to tell Balin to hand Bilbo the contract when a sudden crash drove him from the current state of mind. The dwarves in the hobbit’s dining room stilled as one, and they looked to the living room with suspicion-filled eyes. The hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, aged fifty, shared a quick but meaningful glance with Gandalf the Grey. Before they could move, voices were being heard from the other room.

“Pippin?”

“Merry?”

“Legolas?”

“Gimli?”

The room was silent for a moment, and all the dwarves, wizard, and hobbit shared a very confused look at each other.

‘What the ruddy hell is…?’ Bilbo mouthed silently toward the others who were paying attention to him. All he got in response were confused shrugs. Slowly, Bilbo crept forward in the candlelight of the now dark room toward the hallway in front of the living room entrance.

Bilbo peeked inside of the living room entrance, almost afraid of what he would find. What he saw was very...confusing to the young hobbit. There were dwarves, hobbits, elves, and a man all tangled in the center of his carpeted wooden floor. Some didn’t look very clean, rather grimy and dirty, while some others looked very well taken care of. Bilbo looked on timidly, his mouth opening to propose a quiet question in the still air.

“Uhm, ex-excuse me? Wh-who are you, and what are you doing in my home?”

Even at the beginning of his question, the room’s occupants sat straight up and stared at the hobbit with deliberating eyes. Many of their hands went straight to their hips as if reaching for a weapon, even the hobbits. This only confused Bilbo even more.

“Where are we?” came a gruff, mistrusting voice in the disarray of bodies. “Why do you seek to capture us like common criminals? We have done naught!”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows, but answered with an irritated huff (this was the second time his home had been barged in upon this evening!), “Why, you’re in Bag End, of course!” he cried with passion in his voice. “My name is Bilbo Baggins, and I have not captured you like common criminals, I assure you, for I would like to know why you are in my home to begin with!

“Really, two unknown visiting parties in one night? I sure like visitors, like any hobbit, but I like to know them before they come visiting…” he finished with an accepting sigh. As he stopped talking, however, there were several sets of eyes upon him, and Bilbo became uncomfortable with the stares.

“Bilbo!”

“Bilbo, my good lad! You sure look far younger than when I last saw you!”

“Thank Mahal it was only Bilbo’s home we were sent to!”

And the comments went on like that, which Bilbo finally tuned out to get a better look at the room’s occupants. There was two hobbits, young hobbits it seemed; one dwarf, one that looked oddly familiar; and, one elf, who was strangely sitting next to the dwarf companionably. Bilbo frowned and looked over to the dwarf again, his frown growing deeper as he recognised one of them to be Gloin (or perhaps a relative of him), one of the dwarves sitting at his kitchen table, but seemingly older in appearance. Bilbo finally put a stop to all of the chatter.

“Stop! Stop! Stop talking at once, oh, confound all of you!” Bilbo turned and snuck back into the kitchen where he seeked out Gandalf with a unamused look upon his face. Gandalf smiled at Bilbo innocently, to which Bilbo responded by saying: “There are time-travelers in my living room, Gandalf, time-travelers!”

Gandalf’s face grew concerned and he asked, “How do you know that, my dear boy?”

“Because one of them looks like Gloin!” Bilbo snapped with irritation behind his words. The wizard’s expression grew impressed, and his lips formed a small ‘o’. The dwarves gathered around the table stayed silent, but looked to Gloin as if he had the answers. Bilbo frowned at them and turned back to Gandalf. “Go,” Bilbo demanded and pointed his fingers toward the living room entrance. The wizard opened his mouth to protest, but Bilbo beat him to it. “Go!”

Bilbo demanded once more in annoyance. The wizard stopped and put a kind smile on his face. He tipped his head up and walked into the hallway. Bilbo stared after him before turning to stare at the dwarves still gathered around his dining room table.

“Blasted wizards!”

The room was quiet for a moment before a dwarf asked a hesitant question. “Should--should we go in there?”

And with that question, Bilbo Baggins, master of Bag End, broke. “Why me?” he whispered despairingly. “Why me?” He sighed and nodded in response to the dwarf’s question. “Just go,” he whispered tiredly.

All at once, the dwarves leapt up and ran into the next room. All except for Thorin Oakenshield. The dwarf king walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing.

“May I help you, Master Oakenshield?” Bilbo sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

“My, you have temper on you, do you not, Master Baggins? Perhaps not such a grocer after all…” Bilbo said nothing, only breathing out and hip-checking the dwarf beside him. Said dwarf raised his eyebrow questioningly, but said nothing. Bilbo snorted and walked forward determined to join the loud fray coming from the other room. He did not feel the dwarf king join him.

Bilbo stepped into the room to find all of the occupants yelling to one another with no semblance of order. Well, this will not due, Bilbo thought to himself. Quickly, he stood up on his mother’s old window sitting box.

“Hello!” he shouted to be mostly ignored. He tried again, only louder this time. “I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU COULD BE ONE OF THE VALAR, I DO NOT CARE, BUT WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN AND KEEP ORDER LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE?!”

This got everyone’s attention as his voice rose above everyone else’s. They all immediately closed their mouth’s and stared at him, but Bilbo did not care at the moment. “Thank you…” He pinched his fingers on the bridge of his nose, hoping to keep the oncoming headache away. He pulled away to look up and be greeted by shocked faces. Bilbo ignored them instead asking a question. “Now… Can we please discuss what is happening here like civilised people, not a pack of orcs? Is it really so hard to do that?”

 


	2. Gimli, son of Gloin: Goblin Mutant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Excuse me! I’ll have you know I was only sixty-two! Of course I was going to look odd, unlike a fully grown dwarf. Not everyone can be as perfect as you through the growing stages of our lives! I am offended, elf!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, my friends!
> 
> Or don't. That's okay, too. :)

 

 **Last Chapter:**  

_“Hello!” he shouted to be mostly ignored. He tried again, only louder this time. “I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU COULD BE ONE OF THE VALAR, I DO NOT CARE, BUT WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN AND KEEP ORDER LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE?!”_

_This got everyone’s attention as his voice rose above everyone else’s. They all immediately closed their mouth’s and stared at him, but Bilbo did not care at the moment. “Thank you…” He pinched his fingers on the bridge of his nose, hoping to keep the oncoming headache away. He pulled away to look up and be greeted by shocked faces. Bilbo ignored them instead asking a question. “Now… Can we please discuss what is happening here like civilised people, not a pack of orcs? Is it really so hard to do that?”_

* * *

 

There was a moment of silence, and as Bilbo was about ready to walk back into the kitchen to get some comfort food, a quiet but loud voice spoke.

“Well, yes, Cousin Bilbo! I do believe it is really that hard. I mean, we do have hobbits, an elf, fourteen dwarves, and a wizard here in this living room, and it’s bound to get a bit wild! Especially because this is the…” the hobbit trailed off, and Bilbo wondered him to be a Took. Bilbo’s head whipped around as a new voice stepped in.

“...Company of Thorin Oakenshield, eighty years from the past,” the elf spoke in a graceful, yet slightly confused tone. He looked down to the dwarf as if he had the answers. The dwarf only shook his head.

“No, lad. I do not understand, either, how we got here.” Another silence descended over the room for a few moments. The free people stared at each other with calculating eyes.

“I bet I can name them all from Bilbo’s descriptions, though I already know Masters Gloin and Dwalin!” yelped Pippin from the side of the room, jumping up and standing in front of the Company of dwarves.

Bilbo watched as the young hobbit studied the dwarves for a few moments, all eyes on him. He tapped his forefinger to his chin, thinking deeply. Bilbo, and several of the others, jumped when he suddenly shouted out, “You are Kili! And you are Fili!” He points to the respective dwarves, and Bilbo’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. How had the hobbit known that? And the hobbit went on to name all of the dwarves, and eventually he stopped at Gandalf. He smiled brightly at Gandalf as though he were a long lost friend.

“And you are Gandalf!” the hobbit laughed in delight. “I have missed you--!”

He would’ve went on but the dwarf sitting next to the elf hissed before he could. “Pippin! Be careful of what you say, laddie! There could be spies around, and we don’t want to tell dear Gandalf of his fate.” He whispered the last part for his companions ears only, but Bilbo heard and looked at them strangely. What did they mean ‘his fate’? Certainly not his death, if Gandalf could even die?

Bilbo shrugged it off to be some sort of inside joke by the smiles upon the time-travelers lips. He went to address the dwarf about it, but found he did not know any of their names. He voiced his thoughts.

“Er, excuse me. Who are you?” Bilbo asked, not realizing he asked Dwalin the same question when he knocked on the door earlier in the day. However, he did realise he had been rude, asking the question so bluntly and went to apologize, but the quartet did not seem to mind.

The elf perked up next to the dwarf. He jumped to his feet in a swift, silent motion, and then bowed slightly.

“I am Legolas, an elf of Mirkwood,” Legolas said respectfully, smiling at Bilbo and the Company of dwarves behind himself. Bilbo raised his brow at an elf greeting a pack of dwarves so kindly. Last he knew, they were not on good terms. Perhaps they still were not, as the dwarves glared at the elf as if he offended them. Bilbo did not see anything wrong with the greeting that would have offended them, especially with the way they greet their hosts that was unknown to them. Maybe it was just a mutual hatred between the races, but this elf did not follow his kin’s ideals.

Bilbo noticed this exchange did not last long because the two hobbits stood up next to each other, gaining the others’ attention.

As the two opened their mouths to, presumably, greet them, Bilbo blurted out, “Took and Brandybuck, right?”

Bilbo blushed and began apologizing, once again, at the sudden outburst, but the hobbits only laughed at the struggling male, adult hobbit.

“Yes, yes! You are correct, Bilbo! I am Merry Brandybuck, at your service, Cousin Bilbo, Master Thorin, Master Dwarves,” the slightly older looking one started, and was responded to with nods and smiles.

“And I am Pippin Took, at your service,” Pippin smiled mischievously at the room's’ occupants.

Kili and Fili grinned at each other, recognizing the look on Pippin's face, for a moment, before turning to the young hobbit. They went up and flung their arms around his shoulders.

“We, dear hobbit, are going to be good, good friends if you are anything like our hobbit, Bilbo,” the brothers said in sync with each other. Pippin grinned widely at them before welcoming them, once again.

Bilbo glanced at the dwarves who were in something of a state, by the looks of their wide eyes and fearful, long faces. He wondered what had them so...upset. Some of the dwarves, by the looks of it, Dwalin, Thorin, and Balin, began to try to talk them out of becoming friends, and the trio was not having it, much to Bilbo, Bofur, Legolas, and Merry’s obvious amusement. But then Bilbo’s eyes fell on the only dwarf who had not shown positive emotion to the current event, but was looking on forlornly at the scene, as if he had seen the die...

“Who are you…?” Bilbo asked softly, not wanting to startle the reminiscing dwarf. His efforts did not help, as the dwarf still jumped and reached for an...axe at his side, causing the others to quiet down and look at the somewhat familiar dwarf. Oddly enough, the air became heavy and the free people of Middle Earth became tense.

The unfamiliar dwarf cleared his throat awkwardly. “I am--I am Gimli, son of Gloin. At your service, Mister Bilbo, King Thorin,...Da.”

The reaction was immediate; Gloin fainted. Kili and Fili’s jaws dropped. Dwalin’s eyes bugged out. Balin stumbled back. Oin, Gimli’s uncle, followed Gloin. The rest of the Company gasped in shock.

Gimli stepped back, his eyes shadowed and facing the ground. “I knew this was a bad idea,” he mumbled and began toward the door of Bilbo’s own smial. Before he could get far, Legolas, the elf, came up behind him and rested his pale hand on the broad shoulder.

“Mellon nin,” he started. “Don’t go…”

So, the elf cared enough about the dwarf to call him a friend. Interesting.

Merry and Pippin then came bounding over to the odd duo, with concerned looks upon their faces, immediately assaulting the dwarf in question.

“Yes, Gimli! You can’t leave! They may not have taken this well, but we were sent here for some purpose. We have to stay here. We were meant to. Plus, we would miss our favorite dwarf, and you would miss us, and you know it!”

Gimli laughed and pulled the two hobbits in a hug. “You’re right.  I don’t know what I would do without you.” As he said this, he sent a watery smile up to his elf-friend to which he got a sympathetic, but not pitying, smile back. “I love you two goblins.”

The hug-captured hobbits gave a faux gasp of indignation.

“Rude.”

“Well, I see how it is.”

There was a moment that was silent as the two hobbits and dwarf stared at each other, and the rest of the room, besides Legolas, tried to wrap their minds around what was happening in front of them.

At least, that was until Legolas spoke up, “Says the goblin mutant.”

“Excuse me! I’ll have you know I was only sixty-two! Of course I was going to look odd, unlike a fully grown dwarf. Not everyone can be as perfect as you through the growing stages of our lives! I am offended, elf!”

But, the rant was ruined by the smile and laugh that came bursting out of the two a moment after Gimli was finished.

And all the while, no one noticed Gandalf went missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm... perhaps I lied. I did post another chapter of this fanfic. :)
> 
> Tell me if it sucks! Actually, you don't have to because I know it does. This is terribly written compared to the fanfic I'm in the midst of writing now. :))
> 
> -Keil James  
>  MidnightGlows


	3. A burglar once again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt bad that I haven't updated in who knows how long so I figured I'd at least give you guys something short :/ some ideas of where this fic should go would be greatly appreciated :) love you all

Soon enough, Bilbo got the time travelers into a room and settled for the night with a threat of explanation in the morn. He also, then, corralled the company of dwarves into his dining room again, all the while trying to calm them down once again. The dwarves all sat down at their pre-inhabited chairs, none talking above a whisper.

  
Talk of the mountain resumed once again to Bilbo’s displeasure. He went into the living room to quietly read the conditions of the contract, leaving the dwarves in the dining area, when suddenly a thought occurred to him: where was Gandalf?

  
With the thought in mind, Bilbo discarded the long sheet of contract and headed back into the dining area where a swarm of mischievous dwarves sit awaiting his response.

  
“Master Baggins! What do you--”

  
“Where’s Gandalf?”

  
Silence followed his outburst.

  
“I-I don’t know where’s he’s gone, actually. He’s probably just off being Gandalf,” Balin chuckled warmly.

  
Bilbo shuddered inwardly at the thought of Gandalf being Gandalf at a time like this.   
“Okay, never mind that for now.”

  
The company looked at him oddly.

  
“What?” he said indignantly.

  
They all looked away.

  
“Look,” Bilbo began, “I’m not much. I’m not really a burglar, and I wasn’t even aware of you coming until Dwalin knocked on my very front door. I don’t know if I’d be very much help on this trip of yours, but if you would like me there, I would not be adverse to going.”

  
The Dwarf King regarded him for a cool minute. “Why should you come if you have no valuable skills to us?”

  
“Because I said Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, and a burglar he shall be!” Came a voice from the far corner of the room. Everyone turned to see Gandalf nipping a pipe in his left hand while leaning against the wall in a crouch.

  
“Right…” said Bilbo hesitantly. “So does this mean the time travelers are coming? Or what is happening to them?”

  
“I’d imagine they will do what they decide to do.”

  
“In that case, I will see you all in the morning, as I’m off to bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Great! Now that that's done... let's never speak of this again. Agreed? Agreed.


End file.
